1 year affair D day
Hello folks,
My wife had a 13 month affair back during 21-22. I found a msg on her phone under a woman's name, but a profile pic of a man.. Confronted her and after a lot of teasing out, she said it was an x work colleague. I knew he had made inappropriate remarks to her and she told me back in 21, but he had left the company so I'd no need to worry because he was gone.. Then I found out this was the guy!!
Seemingly only friends, never met, and fully related to work.. She called him a womans name as she knew I wouldn't approve..
I was devastated..
I asked on so many occasions after this was there anything more ( in my heart I knew there was ) and she swore on everything sacred that there wasn't..
After this I stayed with her and really tried to make it work..
2 years later, I had enough info from my wife to make contact with his wife.. She was able to tell me that she knew of something from her side, and him and my wife had met and kissed, but that was it..
I talked to my wife again and met with more lies.. She said the did meet once, he tried to kiss her, but she pulled back! She again swore that was all...
I was so pissed off that I ended up calling her AP.. After a long chat, he admitted that they had an affair, met several times and had sexual relations.. I near died!
I found out more from him than 2 years pleading with my wife 😞
When I went back to her with this, she was caught and nowhere to run..
We had a big shouting match, and I said we were over!
The next day, we calmly spoke, I asked lots of questions, and she answered all.. More than what even her AP had said..
He was initially helping her with work, she enjoyed chatting with him, and he pushed for a meet up. Seemingly she blocked him twice when sexual remarks were made, but she kept letting him back in..
It the lead to coffee meetups, then meeting with kissing, then sexual imagages and pics, then sex once, and other several forms of sexual acts on at least 4 other occasions..
I was a mess!!
Trying to rebuild on what little I knew in 22 for 2 years, moving on, to then finding out everything I was told was lies..
We are married 18 years and have 3 kids under 13..
I want to make it work..
We have had many many sessions of IC, and couples counseling.
She has done everything she possibly could to repair this over the past year. Being supportive, giving me space when needed, being remorseful and respectful of my journey now..
I see all the efforts, and we've had some lovely times along with plenty of bad..
I just have lost the love I had for her to some degree, and I don't know if I'll get it back.. I do regularly see how sad she is for letting it happen, but in some ways it's a little late.. I just couldn't possibly have done what she did... Period..
Can I ever move on from this and be genuinely happy with this life with her, and regain trust and love..
I know some say that it can be better and stronger than ever after something like this, but I just don't know.. I'm the one now constantly stalling progress and causing setbacks in the recovery..
39 comments posted: Sunday, January 11th, 2026
1 year affair
I found out 2 years ago that my wife had another man on her Whatsapp called a woman's name..All history deleted..After confronting her, it was an X work colleague that I knew fancied her.
Seemingly they never met etc and it was 6 months of nothing but friendship.I was devastated, and very hurt..I was promised I knew everything and we tried to make our marriage work..
2 years later, I finally found out his wife's name and made contact..All unfolded over a couple of days, found out from his wife they had indeed met, and her husband said they kissed..
I ended up calling this guy and he admitted a lot more..I confronted my wife, and at this stage she was caught!
She told me all... 1 year relationship, until I found out.. met several times for intimacy.. Seemingly she didn't enjoy it and only performed to keep him happy, as she really valued their friendship..
It been over for 2 years now with no contact, and I'm sure this is correct..
We have young kids, she has swore it was the biggest mistake of her life and will spend the rest of her life making this up to me and winning back my trust..
I'm a mess now and so torn on what to do... I do believe her, and I can see why she kept lying because of how bad this all was, and she was afraid of loosing me..
How can I move on from this?
39 comments posted: Friday, January 3rd, 2025
