SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

He wants you to be the one who leaves. Then he can date the OW because you left him. I hope you are talking to a bulldog of an attorney to make sure you have your finances protected.

Spot on Cooley.

My H did the same thing and I think he was hoping I would be the one to file for D. This way he could tell himself that I left him and he had no part in it and make himself look good to the kids.

Missmee, I know your kids will be disappointed if you D. But you cannot stay with someone who is just being a jerk to you.

And yes, at some point, the kids need to know that. Otherwise they may blame you for the D and that is unfair to you as well.

I’m sorry you are living with him. You deserve better than this and the mental anguish is going to continue unfortunately. For some reason cheaters believe they are the prize and that they can say and do whatever they want to their spouse — especially during the affair.

Your correct.

So we’ve had a surprisingly great Christmas!

He seems more open with answers to questions I ask but lies he’s told previously are now unraveling and making more sense. Which is disappointing. I’m so disappointed that he’s done all of this and honestly can’t believe he would or could be capable of it.

He still won’t block or give access to the phone. I’ve given up on asking about these now. He seems to want to rugsweep everything. And wants to continue our relationship. Red flags all over!

It’s still a mess in reality. But the last few weeks I don’t feel the same towards him, I don’t look at him the same and I’m certain I’m not in love with him.

Infidelity was always a deal breaker for me. I’ve tried numerous times with him and he continued to betray me. I don’t see him in my future anymore. And I don’t look back previously before the affair with sorrow anymore.

[This message edited by Missmee at 9:00 AM, Saturday, December 27th]

Big argument today I asked him to leave but he has nowhere to go. He doesn’t have any living family and those that are aren’t really good people. He said he wouldn’t go back to ow because he doesn’t want to be with her.

He’s made it very clear again with actions and words he doesn’t love me how he should and that he’s only here for the children. He’s told me how over the years I’ve drained him and not been a good enough partner to him.

So I’m guessing maybe this was an exit affair?
I’m abit sad about what’s he’s said because although we’ve argued like other people he’s never really mentioned everything he has recently. I’m not sure if I’m best to stay because of the children or what I should do? The children see me as the bad guy but I know when they get older they will understand. They had a vote earlier between themselves that mom should leave not dad. Which was another punch to the gut but they don’t understand it all.

Realistically none of us can afford to move out. We have no savings anymore. I don’t work and everything I have he’s brought. I have started look for work. I’m going to look into a course or something I can do to get my skill set up. I just feel I’m stuck. I feel the only outcome at the moment is he gets that fed up of me he walks out to be with OW or he finds another one.

I am so sorry for your continued pain and suffering due to your cheating H.

I would never suggest in-house separation for a variety of reasons, especially in your case. If he has nowhere else to go and financially you (or him) cannot afford another home, you may have no choice. But you will be the one paying the price for that decision as he is mean and verbally abusive to you.

It’s unfair and so damaging that the children are taking sides against you. And that is exactly what the cheater hopes for and will use as leverage against you.

Which is why I was hoping he did not return to your home.

You need to learn how to stop engaging with him. It’s the only way to survive this until you either D or one of you moves out.

As first wife said, you may need to deal with him until you can get your ducks in a row.
How to do that? Gray rock and the 180. You have to mentally detach from him and leave an air gap there to protect yourself.

AND. Start working on a plan to get out. As you said, look for re-skilling opportunities. A battered women’s shelter may have some resources that can help here. (And some mental health resources that may be helpful, too). Open up a savings account for you to start stashing away a little at time. Even it’s just a few dollars- just start. This may take years but keep your eye on the prize and keep working toward it.

And check with a lawyer (some offer free consult) if you are eligible for any child support or alimony. Maybe it’s not as bleak as you think.

Mostly, just hang in there. You deserve better, even if it takes a few years to get there.